A Rat and I

All day for the thief and one day for the owner is a statement that has gone round the world and back. Life has a way of teaching us lessons and today is one of the days life chose to seat me down. A street rat found it’s way into our age beaten house about five days ago and some how found a way of coming in and going out. As typical of all rats, it prides itself in not being seen and faster than the human feet can run.

Yesterday she (on genital examination) found her way into our bathroom- I wonder what she was up too. My little cousin on sighting this street villain yelled for help, the village boy in me jumped up to the rescue. On getting to the location where the suspect was the urban boy had fully taken control; I joined my cousin to call for help (imagine that!). One of my cousins who is definitely an animal war veteran came with a stick to destroy our common enemy. He reassured us and told us to follow his plan. This urban boy took the stick and wiggled out the she rat, causing her to find her way out of our lily livered wall. We all went to bed disappointed in my abilities to handle such overgrown rodent.

This new day came to light, awoken by our lovely dedicated rooster at about 6am. I am sure it was a wake up call for our dear assailant too. She found her usual way into the house at about 3pm. Eating as much rice as she could while I took my siesta. I awoke only to see her feasting. with nothing to throw at her, I shrieked and she ran for her dear life. Returning about 30minutes later, my sister who had now relocated to the room screamed for help and the urban boy ran to the rescue holding my O and G text and dancing in confusion not knowing what to do. She ran toward the store while my heavy sister took her flight. Suddenly I remembered my village upbringing, blocked all exit points, shot the door, wore my shoes and got my hunting stick. Wiggled madam out of her enclave under the bed and took my strike as she jumped out. Bam!bam!bam! I went on and she took her final breath to exit life as we know it.

I jumped for joy and called family to come rejoice with me on my first kill in a long time. The sad news is as I sat to write this article, another one found it’s way in. I pray it’s not the husband, cos if it is! I am in trouble.

I guess the moral of the story is, kill a thief today another is going to show up, just make sure you aren’t the thief. Their end is terrible. Hope a Nigerian politician reads this.